Friday, December 23, 2011


How I love this song very much, I used to hear it when we were just lovers....

I'll tell you simply I'm fallin' for you;
I've never felt this way before.
I don't need flowers and I don't mind tears;
I just need you through the years.

And I am your lover and you are my friend;
We've got laughter to share.
I'll always want you to want me;
I'll always want you to care.

We can't be one, but two is fine with me;
You've got your time and I've got mine.
I don't want you under my hand;
I just need you to understand.

I'll tell you simply I'm fallin' for you;
I've never felt this way before.
I don't need flowers and I don't mind tears;
I just need you

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Sunday, December 18, 2011

The Final Decision...

This was written on the the day of my operation, December 15, 2011 a month before my 44th birthday...

In a few minutes, I will face a new chapter in my life. I'm here in my solitary confinement. As if I am waiting for my verdict to come. Just a while ago, I recalled some of the things I went through in the past. I thought about how I had been to the people I loved?. Did I treat them well? Had I been unkind to them. Did I inspire or hurt them. When someone is facing a danger in his life, he recalls things, good and bad. Truly, someone like me who will go into the depths of life, would be thinking of so many things. So much worries, wanderings, uneasiness and etc. will naturally pass one's mind.

It was early this year, in the month of February when I found out that I have to undergo hysterectomy. The doctor told me to have my uterus removed because of my myoma. She said it as if it's a normal thing. I had no any idea about hysterectomy. All I knew then,was my uterus should be removed. Okay, if that's so then I should undergo the procedure. Later, I found in my senses what are those things. What are the medical professionals telling me?Then I went on searching & searching. My friends in the office had been asking me why am I delaying it?

The truth of the matter, I was not ready. I did not want my loved ones know anything about it. I just don't want to explain. Maybe, I was just worried. It annoyed me everytime somebody would ask about it. I just don't want to talk about it. All I wanted was to forget everything as if I never heard of it.

The time has come, only thirty minutes left. I took my shower as if it was my last bath. I put a lot of shampoo & conditioner for I knew I wouldn't be washing my hair for days after the operation. Last night I went through a lot of medical test, blood test, X-ray, ECG etc. The resident doctors gave me information as to how the operation would go blah blah blah....But before I went to sleep, a young man (tall & handsome) who works at the operating room came up to my room and gave me instructions. It was a beautiful short lived talk, full of insights, the young man was so candid and kind to tell stories not only about the procedure but his life as well. I admired that young man. I pray that God will bless him because he has a  good heart. I could tell it the way he talked to me.

When I was about to be delivered to the operating room. I prayed to God that before everything happens, I had one wish, to see my 3 lovely children for I wouldn't know if we will see each other again. I was lying down on the stretcher leaving my room when I heard two soft voices calling mama, I cried hard when I saw them and I thanked God he granted my wish. God is really amazing.

Now, I am about to face the final decision as if I must answer the final question in a quiz show. I must do it right. I must be really prepared. Then I prayed. Lord, It's all up to you. You will not fail me again and will never fail me. Whatever happens you allowed it. Then tears rolled down on my cheeks. And there was an intense silence. I closed my eyes and I saw my mother. She was saying something but I can't hardly hear it. I know she was just comforting me because there was a sweet smile on her face. And it was my final decision.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Time is near....

In a few days, my womb, where my children lived for 9 months each, will be demolished. I feel like my body is a private land which is invaded by informal settlers. And it's time that I have to get rid of them. What a paradox, my uterus as a vast area and myoma, the informal settlers. Now I understand why our government is very strict in the implementation of demolition. My OB Gynecologist is the government who wants to get rid of those informal settlers in my womb. She will help me clean up all the mess that was created by the squatters who comfortably stayed in the perfect place where God put my little babies. If they won't be removed my health is at risk. I want to enjoy life. I am still young at 43. I have a lot of dreams to act upon. If this procedure will let me taste all the goodness in life then, so be it.

I never felt scared or frightened, yes, truly...not once that I felt fear of being operated. I don't know why?Perhaps, the moment I learned  that I have to undergo  hysterectomy, I knew God was with me. I felt his presence and He whispered to me that "don't be afraid, my child....I ll be with you always....then I was assured that everything will be fine. I prayed for the right person, the place and hospital, the procedure and everything that comes with it. I asked God that He takes care of me as I undergo this battle of mine. I thank the Lord because in these times of uncertainties, I know He increases my faith. I do submit everything to God, whatever happens it's all with my Lord.

I read so much about hysterectomy and I had mixed emotions, sometimes I feel good about it and other times I feel disappointed. So much things I have studied about hysterectomy. But none of them had given me enough, I trust my doctor and all her companions. That way I would feel assured.

I am blessed to work in a company that gives a complete package of medical benefits I am so grateful that I would not be spending for my hospital bills, if there's any it would only be minimal.

I know I would be learning things after hysterectomy. I would want to  embrace all the things that will come along the  way, whether it's good or not. It would be a new life. A good life. Even though a lot of not so good-to-hear notes about having hysterectomy, I promise myself to think positive. Go on with my life, and  be a better person that I can be.

All praises to God!